Blue Barf & More...

Some conversations I have had with my 4 year old Max in the last few days....

He had already eaten his cookie that I gave him and he goes to look in the Tupperware and says:
Max: "Who are these cookies for?"
Me: "Those are for some ladies I visit teach, so please don't eat any."
Max: After sitting there contemplating for a minute....."If I take a cookie and eat it, what will happen to me?"
Me: I was a little shocked that he was weighing out the consequence in his mind if disobeying would be worth it. Heaven help me when this boy is a teenager. I won't write my reply so I don't look like a mean mom! :)

We went to Target with the kids to look at Patio furniture (first mistake). We bribed them with a slurpee and a popcorn if they would sit still in the cart. The cashier in the snack shop did a excellent job of up selling Jeremy into a large slurpee/small popcorn combo instead of small slurpee and small popcorn bought separately and it would save him a quarter (more is not always better Honey!). It was a crazy Target trip and we had not noticed that Max had slurped the whole thing by himself. We jumped in the car and headed to Brooklyn Walker's baptism and upon getting there Max started complaining that his head hurt. I told him it was a "brain freeze and it would go away"... well after a little while longer he was complaining that his tummy hurt. He started crying and acting a little odd so after the baptism we headed home and he went up to bed. I told Jeremy that it was way too much sugar for his stomach and I thought he would sleep it off. A few minutes later..... BLUE RAZZLE BARF all over my carpet, I am talking about fluorescent blue. Jer threw him in the shower and I searched the Internet for stain removal solutions (side note: 1/4 c. oxyclean in 16 oz. water - did the trick). Max instantly felt better and said to me with a serious look on his face: "Mom, we shouldn't eat slurpees and candy, they make me throw up, we should eat green vegetables that make us strong." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him thanks for the tip. Now if he could just follow his own advice...

Max: "Look at that man with all those whisky's under his nose, he looks funny."
Mom: "That is called a mustache and yes, they do look kinda funny."

Max: "Mom, you look like Annie Jones in that hat."
Mom: "Who is Annie Jones, is she someone from church or school?"
Max: "No mom he jumps and fights the bad guys and he is really cool."
Mom: "Oh, do you mean Indiana Jones?"
Max: "Yeah mom that is what I said, Annie Jones!"

In one of our power struggles (which I am getting better at handling) I told max that if he jumped on his brother and made him cry one more time than he wouldn't get to play and he would have to go to time out. His response to me was: "Well, you know what I will do if you put me in time out? I will come and wake you up in the middle of the night!" Once again I was shocked that he understood that waking me in the middle of the night is a true threat. I fought back a smile and helped him see that he was hurting his brother and showed them a new game to play. Too smart for his own good.

Max: "I want a pocket for my penis."
Mom: "You want what?"
Max: "Dad has a pocket for his penis on his underwear and I don't, see look!"
Mom: I was laughing really hard. "When you get older like Dad you will have a pocket for your penis."
You know how on adult underwear the seams are not sealed and on kid underwear the seems are all sewn closed, this is what he was referring to. Hilarious!

A few of my favorite tag lines of Max's: "All my dudes" (that is what he calls his friends), "I have a really good idea, how about..." (that is how he starts almost all of his sentences), "Mom and Dad, you really need to work on.....: (constantly putting us in our place)!